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Hello, humanoids. Welcome to my cozy cave. This is where I squat all day
watching movies, and then giving my totally unsolicited opinion of them.
I do it all for the benefit of you, the gaming community, who surely has
better things to do than try to figure out which movies are worth
watching, and which aren’t worth feeding to an otyugh.
Along with my write-ups, each movie receives a rating to indicate how
good it is. This rating is a 1-5 on my Tasty Fish Rating System. (Mmmm….
Fish!) “Five” is a truly outstanding film, while anything receiving a
“one” should be avoided like a staring contest with a medusa. (I
recently revised the original rating scale to include “zero” Tasty Fish,
thanks to one unspeakably atrocious flick whose title shall not be
repeated here.)
0 Tasty Fish = I would not recommend this movie to my worst enemy. Not
even a dwarf.
1 Tasty Fish = This movie sucks. Treating arrow wounds with salt is less
painful.
2 Tasty Fish = If there’s nothing good on the Spice Channel, this is
worth watching.
3 Tasty Fish = An average to good movie, with quality production.
4 Tasty Fish = Great movie! Worth watching more than once.
5 Tasty Fish = A freakin’ classic! Anyone not loving this film is a
goblinbaby.
Please understand a few points before reading these:
These are all my own biased opinions, and I am not influenced by the
reviews or preferences of others. (I don’t care what you think. I’m a
kobold, dammit!)
The ratings and recommendations are based mostly on whether or not the
film was enjoyable. Some of these films I like because they’re cheezy,
not because they’re cinematic art. A movie with low production values,
bad acting, and crappy special effects may still receive many fish if I
simply got a kick out of watching it.
The films reviewed are all relevant to D&D gamers, mostly because the
movies’ genre is usually fantasy, especially sword & sorcery. You won’t
find a write-up of Terms of Endearment here.
So read on, my little dice-chuckers! Become enlightened by the wisdom of
the Critical Kobold…
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